I am done with this statement – “I am done.” I noticed that each time anyone says, “I am done,” that person is not really done in that sense of done. You keep doing whatever it is you are done with and keep doing the same things for years to come. The “I am done,” statement was meant to be an “end all” to your suffering and stupidity but really, it is nothing more than a statement to get other people’s attention, to throw the spotlight on yourself. Well, maybe I am too harsh, perhaps it was to motivate yourself to actually undo the damage you have done.
Personally, to me, when someone declares to me that he or she is “done” I begin to laugh on the inside a little bit. I feel compelled to push that person to undo his or her statement. I am often successful in doing so. Most times, I do not even need to push that person to go back on his or her word. I just sit and wait because whatever situation caused that person to make that declaration will re-surface. Guess what else, being in the same situation puts you in a comfort zone and you go back to it because you are not really trying to get out of it. You are merely seeking attention. That is my take on “I am done” so I am not doing it because I am not joining the masses.
Think of the number of times you ate too much, you drank too much, various other stupid things you did. You declare, “I will never eat again!” or “I am not touching another drink!” Somewhere in the future, you find yourself doing the same exact thing – ate and drank too much and you declare once again, “I am not doing whatever it was I did last night, ever again!” It is a vicious cycle.
I find comfort in staying on the path of self-destruction and waking up one morning or lying in bed, falling asleep, having this great urge to change course.
Changes happened in my life and half the time, I was not even aware of them creeping up on me. Some of them happened because there was no way around it – I moved and as a result, I interact with different people, or people moved or their schedules change, affecting my life in the process. Either we have more or little time with each other, or we simply disappear from each other’s lives. Some other times, it was unavoidable because I grew bored and found myself picking up a new hobby or found someone else more interesting. I needed the breath of fresh air, so to speak.
A couple of years ago, I got on the roller-coaster ride, which turned into a roller-train. That ride came to a screeching halt and made me evaluate a few things but when I got back on the ride, it became something else. It was still headed for a wreck the same as before but it was no longer a roller anything. It has recently become a merry-go-round.
The roller-coaster ride was a little bit more pleasant because of the undulating terrain – up and down and I rather prefer that but I have never been fond of the merry-go-round. I find it tedious and nauseating. I see the same scenery at the same height, going at the same speed. There is no excitement to speak of – it is boring. It is child’s play and I am unexcited by it. I am always glad to get off that ride and I very seldom get on it.
A number of changes happened in my life in the past two years and it is changing again as I type this. I became responsible for my health once again, tweaking my diet, pushing myself physically each passing day, and I am very comfortable where my life is going.
Last week, I had a mini holiday that involved excessive eating, drinking and pushing personal spaces to the limit. I am sure I could push more but I am saving that for later. Anyway, a few days later, I changed gyms, and am very excited by it. The possibilities are endless as far as I am concerned. I have identified what works as far as excessive eating and drinking goes, now it is time to move on to pushing myself physically. I am excited to try new exercises and routines in my daily life.
In order to turn my routines around, I will have to make a few changes but that is what life is all about.
I always find time away from home brings a new perspective into my life. I cannot speak for everyone but a change of air even for a day or two, always makes the sunshine brighter and life infinitely less boring. I do not understand how people can pack their bags, visit new places, meet new people and goes home unmotivated, unrepressed, unmoved, un-rejuvenated, un-inspired.
Most of the time, I do not even need to leave town to inspire myself. The people I meet every day, with their vibrant personalities and bright smiles are enough to put a spring in my step.
So anyway, I am on a journey to better myself, perhaps contribute a little positivity in other people’s lives as I go along. I will have to deal with this merry-go-round accordingly. I understand that I have to tread lightly because changes do not come easy for some people. In addition, I will have to keep my impatience in check. Sometimes my impatience wreaks havoc in other people’s lives but I am afraid it is necessary. I have to take care of myself first.
Julia_HotFish notes to self: put oneself first in order to create a better environment for others.
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