Each new year, millions make resolutions to try to better their lives one way or another. I was one of those millions that many years ago.
I was in school, I finished school, I had a job, I was young, I was single, I was happy, I was sad, I was alone and I was looking to fit in.
I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it and with whomever I pleased. I had visions of who I was going to marry, where and how we would live. I had visions of constant happiness, no sadness or confusion in my life with the perfect person I was going to marry.
I had a long list of resolutions each year. I looked forward to tick them off each week, each month, to mark some as “in progress”, “progressing”, etc. Most were never marked. They were simply there because I thought them up, such as losing weight, eating right, and seeking a boyfriend.
One day, I found these pieces of papers that I abandoned a few months of the beginning of each year. It was right before my birthday. I decided then that I was going to stop making resolutions each year. I decided then my resolution each year would be not to make any. I was determined, that day, a few days before I turned 23 years old that I was going to live each day based on what I felt like doing. I determined that I was going to make my decision to change my life as and when I see fit.
I must say that the decision to abandon New Year’s resolutions was very freeing. It made me feel in control of my life. I hated the fact that I had to wait 6 months to change whatever I did not like about my life because it is June and the year will not change for another 6 months. I found that by the time January rolls in, I forgot what I wanted to do and that my life was still the same as it was before – I was dissatisfied and the vicious cycle kept going.
Nowadays, I look back at my life and can safely say I am happy with that decision – not to wait for the ball to drop before I embark on a new journey.
I find that I change my schedule, my obsessions, and my hobbies every other week or month. Some obsessions last for a year or two, others not so much. All the same, I find that some things change whatever I am obsessing over in a matter of minutes or seconds. If I felt that I am missing something in my life, I try to change it as soon as possible but I have found that actively seeking to better my situation could bring negative results. It backfires, shall we say. So now, I just work myself to frenzy until I could not stand my own anxiousness.
No, that working myself to frenzy does not always work either but I am comfortable with that. I just cannot stand a lull. A lull is like a void that is choking me, squeezing the very life out of me. I tried to be calm much of the time but that is almost a lull. Sometimes it is nice to be calm but I get so bored with it.
So, will someone come and excite me already? I need a change of pace around here. ;)
I remember at some point in my distant past, feeling obligated to write a list of resolutions, and for some reason it seemed like these things should be (like the ones you listed) the obligatory health / bad habit-related things, and as such, pretty much doomed to fail as resolutions — they’re not things that lend themselves to being switched on (or off) at 11:59 on 12/31. It’s the same way with anything we promise we’re going to do as soon as we’re done with (insert reason we’ve not done them yet) — the only time to start changing things for the better is right now. Not tomorrow, or Monday, or next weekend, or after this (pack of oreos or cigarettes or bottle of tequila) is gone.
I don’t remember making a specific resolution to stop making resolutions, it just got to feeling more and more like a complete waste of time, and I eventually stopped.
As to the shifting obsessions — well, me too. It’s part of the lizard thing – I kick the habit, shed my skin. This is the new stuff (and if you’re too young to recall those lyrics, that sounded totally silly).
Anyway, I’ve blathered too much already, so … HNY!