Most of you know I bitch about the neighbour kid across the street all the time. Well, I bitch about children mostly. Especially other people’s children.

Most of you also know by now that I live in hickville U.S.A. There are no homeowners’ association, there’s nothing to prevent anyone from becoming your neighbour by buying a plot of land next to yours and hitch a double wide or a mansion or anything in between. Not a thing.

With most things, this type of looseness can be a boon. Or not.

The neighbour across the street have lived there for at least 17 years (according to someone we know). They live in “a shack” as my husband put it. Nothing wrong with it. We cannot all be able to afford a house made out of bricks and whatnot.

Child of the Corn II goes to the same school as this kid. The kid is a year older and I would like to smack her sometimes. OK, a lot of times.

Of late, she has been coming over to “play” with Child of the Corn II (making a big mess in her bedroom in the process)  Apparently, her mum does not care if her house is tidy or not. One day, I told CoTC II to tidy her room and she said, “K doesn’t have to clean her room. Her room is messy!” I stared at her and said, as calmly as I could, “Pack your things. You are leaving this house. You are moving in with your friend and you are not coming back to live here with us.” She screamed and slammed the door, picking up her toys and did not come out of her bedroom for an hour.

I related to my husband what happened that afternoon and he nodded his head, laughing.

I caught her in Child of the Corn I’s room a few times, sitting on the bed as if it was hers, with CoTC I’s laptop on her lap. I thought, oh, no, you have a computer at home. Why are you sucking up MY bandwith? Where was CoTC I? she was sorting her CDs on the floor. I did not yell, scream or said a word. I unplugged the modem.

10 minutes later, I took the vacuumn cleaner and started asking the children to pick up their stuff because “we are cleaning the house.” The kid left.

Yes, I did that a few times and she still came, she still sat on the bed, she still sucked up my bandwith. I did the same thing every time. Sometimes, I even herded the kids into the car and we left the house.

Last week, the kid came and asked to borrow CoTC I’s speakers. They are cheap speakers I picked up at Wal-Mart but that is not the point. The 8 year old dutifully got the speakers and proceeded to give it to her friend. I asked what was she doing with it and she said K wanted to borrow it. I said, “It is not yours.” The kid left. A few days later, she came back and my nice 13 year old lent her the speakers. Today, I found out K’s 15 year old brother has the speakers in his room. K, his 9 year old sister is forbidden to go into his bedroom for any reason. So she could not retrieve it to return them when I sent CoTC I over there. Let me tell you, those are PINK speakers. What 15 year old boy would use PINK speakers?

Here is my dilemma. They live in a shack. We do not. They don’t go anywhere even at the weekends and we always do. Do you get where I am going? I don’t want to appear a snob. Not letting my children lend things to their friends but I cannot become their internet, speaker, DVD etc, provider.

Otherwise, the hicks here are no trouble. Those who socialise with my family because we have children the same age as theirs are problematic. See why children are bad for you?