Not too long ago, I stumbled upon a blog that talked about (personal online) privacy. I have been thinking about that topic for a long while now – having been active online for a number of years. It all started out when my husband found a website and shared it with me. I lurked around there for awhile and finally decided to start a blog there. Overtime, I found that it was restricting being there – I was uncomfortable sharing much of the things I want to share with others. I know, yes, why feel uncomfortable with a select group of people? I cannot explain it. There are those who share their dirty laundry (even) although they do not share their real names with others but I found that to be unacceptable also. By dirty laundry I mean the quarrels they have with others who are also at the same website who happen to be related to them in some way in the real world. I do not share my online life with my offline friends just because they are mostly literally offline people. The most that they do online is check their email and perhaps go shopping once in a while. Plus I really do not want them to know “the other side of me.” No, I am nothing sinister or even scandalous just a tad more liberal for their taste. I have no desire to engage in a debate about moral values what have you with anyone (which is what will happen if they know a tad more about me) My husband is not an online person per se. He does spend time online shopping and gather whatever information he needs but he cannot fathom having a social online life.
That said, he cautioned me about sharing information about myself while I am online – just because he is cautious by nature. I have become paranoid ever since I became active on the site that he found and shared with me. Various people on that site shared various stories about various people who were seemingly normal and they turned out to be a tad unstable. I can relate that to the various people I have met offline – they seem relatively intelligent, nice and fun to be around with but oh, call me overly critical or something – they almost always turn out to aggravate me.
I very rarely if ever, share my real name with others. Even Starbucks serves coffee to Julia and I do go there rather often. There are several reasons why I do not share my real name with others – I do not like my real name very much and did I mention I am paranoid? Well, I am bordering on paranoia. Of course I do share my (closer than general) location with people who are privy to my photos on flickr but that is where it ends. I am sure not very many people would make a bee line to come here, in my little neighbourhood in search of me but you just never know if someone already in the general vicinity might already be on one of my friends list online. (Did I mention I am bordering on paranoia?)
I find that yes; I can talk about much of my life online but not to the point of supplementing them with photographs to complete the story. Half the time the story is not even that great. It is not made up – hardly – it is just boring (to most people).
What am I getting at, exactly, you ask? I am guessing that for me, my online life is almost definitely separate from my offline life. That does not mean I have no desire to meet with friends I have made online. True, people you meet online are not to be trusted. How do you know they are who they claim, right? The same is true with people you meet offline – how many times have you met someone who appears to be stable and normal and one day you find out that same person oh, I do not know, cheated on his wife and killed her or something like that. Hey, it happened – remember Scott Peterson? Yeah…
While I would share my online activities with offline friends, I really do not wish to find out if they are also active online involved in god-only-knows-what. Imagine one of your children’s mums online – flirting with all the guys on her friends list. Wouldn’t you find it a tad awkward? It is okay if you do not go by their house once in a while dropping your children off for slumber parties or what-have-you. I would not mind about what they do behind closed doors but there are people who would literally start alerting the media. And then what? I mean, yes, I would not want my children’s friends and their parents to know what I do online. It is none of their business is it? A girlfriend once told me that her sister walked into a house and found out it was a swinger’s party. She later told her sister that she hightailed out of there. Of course my girlfriend was disgusted by it all. Now I cannot help but wonder if her sister really did leave in disgust upon finding out the nature of the party held at her neighbourhood. I wonder if she had to share with her sister but left out the part where she was a participant in the party Either way, I do not care – who am I to judge her but do you see where I am going with this? Yes, I still think suspect the sister stayed for the party. (Snickers)
In any case, all I am saying is, for a majority of us who prefer to remain fairly anonymous is that we do not want our little online playground to turn into an orgy of utter madness as our offline life sometimes get.
Hello to seasoned readers of this blog and new ones alike, I am Julia. Nice to meet you.
I found that as I use my digital identity more tyfn, and I as immerse myself in more digital spaces and social media, I am setting up more walls so that only true friends can have a complete picture of me. I know that I have become more paranoid in my use of social networks even resorting to blocking people that repeatingly want to “friend” me after being refused a first time.
I don’t expect any to show up in my city or door looking for me, but these days I find it is better to be safe.
Nice to meet you too Julia.
I am totally the opposite. Doing everything in the open has allowed to meet some of the most interesting people I have ever met. I have met more people in RL that I have met online through twitter this year than I have ever had, and it’s been very rewarding personally.
I also understand how people can be paranoid, especially woman, an totally respect those decisions.
-Jeff
imo, complete transparency is an adolescent ideal. in reality life is a lot more complex. the belief that a person can be completely open in a “black or white, no gray” manner is mind boggling.
as a person who has experienced some success (on the internet) I have had my fair share of harassing phone calls, my personal information has been aired by people who disseminate peoples personal information for a “cause”, I’ve had the family of friends pursued, stalked, and lives disrupted and interrupted. the experience allowed me to form a very coherent, though not too cogent, theory on personal privacy:
if you’re personality (name, user name) is not one of importance (either validated personally, or not ignored, not made aware of by the public), then your ability to share private information is generally unhindered.
for those of us who value having a personal life separate from a public persona, company, or mainstream media exposure, then you must be diligent with what information is shared, disseminated, or broadcast.
for those lucky enough to experience success… people will come out of the wood work to track you down and interrupt your life. it is par for the course, in my opinion, and something that people assess and reassess as they proceed through their careers and lives.