Since I deleted my joint Facebook account with my sister, she decided to get an account for herself there at the behest of her best friend. One thing led to another, as you can guess. My sister’s ex-boyfriend from school found her best friend and started asking after her. Of course, my sister’s ex-boyfriend is married with at least a child now. My sister is childless and divorced.
I never liked her ex-boyfriend and neither did my mum. Let’s just say he was not our type as far as the opposite sex goes.
My sister recently told me that one of her old friends from school was contacted by this ex-boyfriend via Facebook (but of course) asking about yes, you guessed it, my sister. My sister was annoyed because he was going around asking people about her. She was doubly annoyed because he is now married. No, my sister does not wish to get back together with the person she dumped years ago. She is annoyed because as a married man, he is too interested in looking her up. I cannot say I empathise with my sister because I do not have an ex-boyfriend. I have many ex-friends but never that “special” someone from my past that used to send chills down my spine or whatever the expression.
Further, I really do not care if you are married – many people look up their ex on Facebook these days, right? The question is, why are they looking up people from their past? H’s sister rang me last week and we talked about Facebook. She told me that she does not intend to join Facebook. She said, “There is a reason why I did not keep in touch with some people all these years. I do not want to keep in touch with them now.”Well, H always says his sisters are stupid but I must admit she has a point there – about dropping off the face of the earth and not re-surfacing.
I asked my sister if she knows why her ex-boyfriend is looking her up, enquiring about her through various friends. She told me she does not know and does not care. She speculates that either her ex-boyfriend is just the “married but looking” sort or he is not happy with his marriage. I do not know how to reply to either speculation. If I run into him in the future, I will ask him why he is looking up his ex-girlfriend. I know I will not get a straight answer – he was painfully shy and quiet as I recall. Of course, he is not going to tell me the truth why he is looking for my sister, his ex-girlfriend; I mean, would you answer truthfully, if you were him?
I do think this looking up the ex –girlfriend/boyfriend thing on Facebook or anywhere for that matter is wrong and rather stupid. Why don’t people just move on and find someone new to hook up with? I mean, why live in the past, move on to something new already.
For instance, if you have a problem in life, you might want to seek new and innovative ways to revive whatever it is ailing you. Well, I get the tried and true methods, I understand. However, looking up of old boyfriend/girlfriend is wrong on so many levels. Consider the problems you might be causing your ex. He or she may be happy in his or her (married) life. Even if they are not happily married or single, why go back down that road? You broke up, you went your separate ways, you move on.
Of course, it is easy for me to say; I have no ex – boyfriend to speak of but think of what I just set forth. Does it not make sense to you?
Well, if you are married, and you have someone else on the side for whatever reason, I have nothing to say to you. No, I am not judging you, not at all. I just do not know what to say to you, actually. Maybe you are just the sort of person who looks for trouble, or problem, I do not know.
Me, well, there is nothing wrong with me. I am perfect. I am happily married and H knows I need my space, my toys and my entertainment. H is never the sociable sort. Sure, he socialises with others at work and elsewhere but he considers online life to be a tad unreal and too time consuming.
H is right of course, about online activities being a time suck. He tolerates my time online – I am rather adept at it. I do it while I am watching television with him, I do it when I am getting dressed, folding my clothes, making my bed, cleaning the house, shopping, driving; you get the idea. He does, however, have a problem when I continue to IM/SMS or have a phone conversation with a married man. The same question will always pop up, “Does his wife know? What does she think about it?” I must say I do not much care. I just expect the other person to understand his own situation better than anyone else and yes, I blogged about this married man going around behind his wife’s back last year. Wait, was it the year before last? Either way, nobody, (certainly not me) twisted anybody’s arm in this situation. I mean, you are over there, far away from me, and I cannot possibly make you do whatever you do not want to do. Is that logic good for you?
A month or so ago, I mentioned to H I was on IM with someone. He immediately asked, “Is that the married one or…?” I pursed my lips in response and he shook his head before walking away. These days, he just stares at me blankly when I mentioned the possibility of meeting this person. However, as an old friend said to me earlier today, “You mean to tell me H dares to deny you anything? Did you not put the fear of teh Lola in him?” Ah, yes, I am still that spoilt, lazy girl from long ago.
Considering all the problems that I have created for myself, I think I know why I do not have any ex-boyfriends to contend with in my life. Even I need space to breathe and be with my own company occasionally. Honestly, though, who needs ex-anything to deal with?
P/s I am still on Facebook, I am still Julia, I am still not adding people just so they can poke me. In addition, no, I have not logged in to Facebook to play any mind-numbing games lately and yes, I am once again out of love with that cursed soc-net.
Julia_ish notes to self: when you play with fire…








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